One major thing that I need to ponder more and more is college. I don't know what I want to major in, where to go, or how I'm gonna pay for it. It's almost like I fight myself on what's going to happen. Part of me says to go for journalism... another part says go for some sort of youth ministry... the other part saying to take a break and not rush into things. The three choices battling each other inside of my head almost gives me a headache. I tell myself that I should make lists of pros and cons of each, yet I never get around to doing it. Call me the procrastinator of the century.
Then, I debate on where I want to even go... where I want to apply... all that jazz. I know that I don't make the grades to get into places like Purdue or Indiana University. I don't have the money to go to places like Taylor or IWU or Franklin. Ball State just keeps coming to mind, but there's still a little part of me that doubts that is the right place for me. No matter where I go though, one of the biggest struggles is going to be of the financial variety.
Another thing about college that seriously freaks me out is my spiritual well-being. This is why I want to go to a Christian school, and Ball State doesn't fit that criteria. The negative side of me sees myself getting in with the wrong crowd: drinking and partying, etc. I don't want to be that kind of person. The positive side of me sees myself continuing to strive to better my relationship with God: staying faithful within my church and spending some one on one time with Him. Again though, I talk about these things, but don't ever sit and think about how I am going to better myself.
College aside, there are other things in my life that need to happen. From this point on, I am determined to stay strong. Ask people for help instead of trying to do all these things on my own. Pray more, read my Bible more, praise more... All things that are very possible. I'm not just going to say it this time: I'm going to make the change happen.
Next thing, I have to get better with staying accountable. I have to be 100% honest in order to get better. Instead of bottling everything up, I'm going to start opening up more with myself, my accountability partner, and most importantly with God. Doing this will help lead me to more truth, and more freedom and victory. It will help to better my prayer life and relationships with God and others.
Another thing in this new chapter that I'm gonna be working on is living the unashamed life. I'm going to represent Christ in every single aspect possible. I'm going to be a light, and share His love. Gonna start living for God seven days a week instead of just on Wednesdays and Sundays. It's gonna take baby steps, though. Progress is progress.
Well, I believe that chapter 18 of my life is going to be a good one. I'm determined that it's going to be. It's my goal to he drama free and just full of happiness and joy.
Prayers would be appreciated as I make my way through this journey.
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