The First Move

I find myself asking so many questions anymore. Questions about life and why things happen the way that they do. I often wonder how things would have been if I had done one little thing differently, or if I hadn't met a person. I question these things, maybe because I am on a search for hope. I think about the things in my past that I could have changed, that could have changed the outcome, and maybe things wouldn't be the way that they are right now. 

But, is that really what I want? My past to change? No. I just want some hope and peace and rest so badly, that I blame my past for why I don't have those things now. 

Now, I know that with God in my life, I have these things. The thing is though, I am too blinded by the world to realize it. I am too busy asking all the questions and wondering that  I completely forget that my God is waiting for me to hit my knees and just cry out to Him for mercy. 

I need to get myself to realize that it's okay to ask God why. It's okay to run a million miles an hour into His open and loving embrace. 

He can't help me, if I don't ask. Such a simple thing, but yet so hard to do. Become broken and weak before the Lord, so I can seek shelter in Him. It sounds so marvelous. Yet, I still find myself holding back, which is really dumb of me. I know the things that I need to do to have some change in my life. So, I need to start pushing myself, because I can't just sit back. It won't happen that way. God is a gentleman, and He won't force Himself to come back into my life. I have to make the first move. 

Dear God, 

I miss You. I love You. 

I can't go on any farther without You, anymore. 

My life is full of so much chaos. 

I want You back. I need You. 

I see You everywhere, and I feel You with me all of the time. 

I desire for Your arms to wrap around me. 

You are my Daddy. 

I can't thank You enough for bringing me as far as You already have, and I know that You have big plans for me to go farther. 

Rescue me, again, God. 

Amen.