As Time Goes By

Growing up really sucks. I turn 18 in one month and one day, and it is still crazy to wrap my mind around. I will be an adult. That's so weird to think about. I will be graduating this year, and then going off to college. I seriously cannot believe how fast time truly does fly.

It seems like just yesterday I was walking into my very first day of kindergarten: wearing my little blue and gray plaid jumper dress. Thinking I was the coolest little kid ever because I had the powerpuff girls backpack... with sparkles. I had the big box of crayons, instead of that lousy 24 pack, so I felt like the queen of the classroom. Next week would be my birthday, and everyone would love me for bringing in cupcakes, so I would be friends with everyone. Then there was naptime. Oh how I hated it, but would give anything to have it back. Haha.

Then, seven years go by, and I am going into seventh grade. Middle school. I felt so awesome and felt like a teenager, finally. It's like I could have a fresh start, and make a ton more new friends. I thought I was set because I made cheerleading, so I was a happy camper. I made amazing grades, and things didn't seem to be so stressful just yet. I loved having my very own locker, and loved going around from class to class. I felt like I was too cool for school. Then, eighth grade came along. Sure, I was still a cheerleader, but things started getting stressful. Things at home were just ridiculous, and it showed. My personality changed. My whole attitude about everything changed. My great-grandpa had died that year, so that didn't help matters, either.

Next comes freshman year. It had a rocky start, but I made the best of it. I was crushed because I didn't make cheerleading, but I made show choir, so I was content with that. I had my show choir family, so I didn't care how things were at home, really because I was hardly ever there with all the practices and stuff. But, even though I was gaining friends and a social life, I was losing hope and confidence. Second semester that year, my life began a journey. I became friends with this very outgoing character named Kenton. We had study hall together, and he sat right behind me. I can remember this day so clearly: he looked at me and said, "Are you okay? You seem down." I go, "Yeah, of course. I'm totally fine. Just tired is all." He said, "That's the biggest lie I've ever heard come out of your mouth." That caught me off guard, so I just kinda stared at him. He continued, and said, "Jewell, I feel like you're missing something in your life. Do you think you'd wanna come to church with me?" I said, "No thanks. I'm good." He said, "Well, too bad. You're coming anyways. I'll pick you up on Sunday. Where do you live?" Little did I know, that by doing that, he changed my life forever. That same year, I met who would later become one of my very best friends, Philip.

Sophomore year, at the very beginning, I gave my life to the Lord, and I accepted Him as my Savior. Best decision ever, I might add. But, then, my life got rocky. Even though I was living for God, things got really bad and difficult for me. I moved back in with my mom, and it was the most stressful thing ever. Things were sailing smoothly, and just dandy. But, honestly, I felt myself spinning deeper into a pit.

Junior year came along, finally. Things at home started to suck more and more and more. It got to the point where I never wanted to be home. Ever. But, it's okay. I finally met my other two best friends: Ethan and Libby. They, along with Philip, have come to my rescue many times. But, the whole YOC thing happened, and I just gave up pretty much. Second semester, though, David comes along. He invites me to come to church with him. Since things at my other church were getting kinda sketchy, I decided to give it a shot. Little did I know, I'd still be going there to this day. But, anyways, junior year was just a bunch of crazy madness.

Now, here I sit, a week until the start of my senior year. I find myself thinking about my future, and how quick my life is going by. It seems like all of these years have just flown by, and I haven't been living it fully like God intends for me to do. I am literally letting my life slip away, and I don't seem to care. I spend my time complaining about how bad things are, when I should be praising God for how far He's brought. I think about, "what if," but don't ever act upon my dreams. God is telling me to embrace who I am and what I want to do, but here I sit worrying about how it's gonna happen.

Dear God,
I pray that you would help me to just calm down and stop stressing about the future that You are planning for me. I want to realize how much I need to rely on You for all of this because I don't think I do. Help me to give 100% control to You, God, for I cannot do this on my own. I pray that as this year goes by, that You would  show me the baby steps that You want/need me to take, to make it.
"My life is not my own. To You I belong. I give myself, I give myself to You."
Amen.