The Unmasked Girl

So, there's this thing that I wear that seems to be glued to my face. It's called a mask. Every time I go to remove it, a sticky situation comes up, and the mask hardens. I blame my environment, or the people I hang out with. But, truly, I am the only one to blame. 

This mask just so happens to have multiple personalities. The first one, a happy-holy-Christian girl with no problems in the world. That mask is a big one for me. People think it's the real me, but it's fake. It's so obviously fake that some people just don't realize it. They ask me to pray for them, and I say that I will... but I don't always do that... which is not okay. They see how I post about God and talk about Him all the time. But, I only do it because it makes me look strong. And, I'm too scared to show that I am truly just as weak as they appear to be to me. I hang out with people from my youth group. Just to make myself look like they're the good influence kind of friends for me. When, truly, I don't feel like I belong with them in the slightest little bit. 

The second mask, a carefree-hang loose-have tons of fun with my not so Christian friends girl. I pretty much hide God when I'm with them, or talking to them. He rarely comes up. Unless His name is being taken in vain, and I don't defend Him like I should. I love those friends because they are so good to me, but I hate that masked version of myself. Why can't I be the Christian girl who hangs out with them, and doesn't let them influence me?! Don't even get me started on my language when I am with them. Not good. Something to work on. 

The third mask, is the me that I am when I am at home. When I'm at home, I'm pretty much a loner who throws a lonely pity party. It's pathetic. That's all that needs to be said about that version of myself. 

Then, there's the real me. MaKayla Jewell Dalton. Not a whole lot of people have seen or even known the real me. The unmasked girl. Who is that girl?! Let me tell you. I am a girl who is in love with Jesus Christ; more and more each day. But, I struggle to stay so strong in my faith in Him. I battle with myself all of the time. I blame myself for pretty much everything that goes wrong. I am calm, yet jittery. I have anxiety attacks. I want to know what it's like to have a dad, and have a dad's love. I hate Father's Day. I want my relationship with my mom to get better, but just can't wrap my mind around why it doesn't ever improve. I don't have a lot of true friends, but cherish the ones that I do have. I don't say thank you or I love you to people as much as I need to. I have a broken and shattered family, and often dream what it would be like if I could fix it. But, I know that I can't. 

I am an imperfect person, loved by a perfect God. That's the real me. Plain and simple. Twists and turns. In the end, I always learn in every single situation that I need to rely fully on God, and to not let the things of this world get in the way of that. He has such big plans for my future (Jeremiah 29:11), and I am not going to let my masks get in the way of that future, anymore.