Don't Stop The Madness

Everything in my life right now seems to be overbearing and unnecessary to me right now. I feel like I'm not strong enough to handle it. I feel like it's just never going to stop. It's really incredibly irritating. It's like I can't do anything right. But, I know that's not true. I need to stop telling lies to myself. 

I tell myself that all of this crap is my fault. But, it's not. 
I tell myself that I could have stopped it from happening. But, I couldn't have. 
I tell myself that it's pointless to try to change. But, it's not true. 
I tell myself that I'm too scared. But, my faith is bigger than my fears. 

God tells me that everything is going to be okay. But, I ignore Him. 
God tries to embrace me with arms wide open. But, I push Him away. 
God sends me people and signs to help me out. But, I am purposely oblivious to them. 
God wakes me up everyday to live for Him. But, I don't ever thank Him. 

I'm starting to see a pattern here. It's that I am way too hard on myself. I focus to much on the negative because it is all I've ever known. When I see sparks of positive, I try to shade them out because I am too scared to see it. It's almost as though I'm just too stuck. Too stuck in my own thoughts. And, too stuck in the world. 

I know that God isn't going to force me to do anything that I don't want to do. But, He knows that I want to change. Which is why I always feel His presence so strongly with me. He is with me in my darkest. When I'm weak. When my spirit and emotions are dead. 

What I need to realize is that none of this is happening just because. There is a time and a reason for everything, and God controls it (Ecclesiastes 3:1). I need to realize that all of this has a purpose and it is to make me stronger. To give me a testimony. To give me the pushes that I need to strengthen my faith. To make me stronger in my walk with Jesus. It's not happening just to make me miserable, even though it may seem that way. 

I need to be thanking God for giving me tough battles to make me a tougher soldier. I will be able to make it through. I know I can. If I properly equip myself with God's full armor (Ephesians 6:12), then I can make it through whatever is thrown my way. 

I should embrace the battles, and give them all that I have. I need to stay strong. I should pray more. Worry less. Trust God. Trust God. Trust God. 

"All I hear is what they're selling me
That God is love, he isn't suffering
And what you need's a little faith and prosperity
But, oh my God, I know there's more than this
If you promise pain it can't be meaningless
So make me poor if that's the price for freedomDon't stop the madness
Don't stop the chaos
Don't stop the pain surrounding me
Don't be afraid, Lord, to break my heart
If it brings me down to my knees, yeah."