I Hate You, I Love You

Dear person, 

You know who you are. 

I miss you. 

I shouldn’t, but I do. 

I really shouldn’t. 

You hurt me in a way I never thought possible. 

The pain I’m feeling is out of this world. 

You were the only person from home who I talked to everyday. 

You’re the only one who checked on me daily. 

You’re the one person I thought would never betray or hurt me. 

You were supposed to be my best friend. 

You were supposed to stay in my life forever. 

You were supposed to be there for me through this really hard time in my life. 

Instead, you made the hard time even harder. 

I was starting to accept the things that were happening to me. 

I was just beginning to be okay with moving back home. 

I was accepting that he had moved on. 

But, it shouldn’t have been with you. 

You should’ve said no. 

You should’ve known that it would kill me... kill our friendship. 

You say these things just happen, but it shouldn’t have even crossed your mind. 

You knew/know how I still feel about him. 

I hate that after all of this, I still love you... and him. 

I hate that I miss talking to you every single day. 

I looked forward to our phone calls and Snapchats. 

I thought I could trust you to never screw me over. 

But, I was wrong. 

Very wrong. 

You shattered my heart. 

You destroyed me. 

My heart is broken into a million little pieces. 

You could have anyone on this planet that you want, but you went for the ONE that had stolen my heart. 

I don’t know what to do anymore. 

My brain fights with me everyday about you. 

Every time I even think about picking up my phone just to text you and say hey, my brain stops me. 

It HURTS me to hear your name. 

It makes me sick to my stomach to picture you with him. 

It makes me cry when I see a picture of you. 

It makes a pain in my chest appear when I start to miss you. 

I hate myself for not hating you. 

I hate that I miss you so much. 

I hate that I want to just hug you. 

I hate that I can’t trust you anymore. 

I hate that you did this to me. 

I hate that you’re not even sorry. 

I hate myself for not being good enough. 

I hate that I feel like I’m the problem here, when I literally did nothing wrong. 

I should be used to people hurting me at this point. 

I should be used to people walking out of my life at this point. 

But, this time it’s different. 

This pain is a deeper pain than I have ever felt before in my entire life. 

The things I’m feeling are unlike any other. 

I hate everything about this entire situation. 

I hate that everything is forever ruined. 

But, most of all, I hate how much I miss you.......