Like when you're in a dream and you're screaming, but you can't make any noise.
My body thinks something is gravely wrong, but my brain doesn't have a clue what to do about it... So it starts racing to the worst possible conclusions.
Within an instant, it's halfway between feeling like you'll faint and feeling like yll die.
Fighting for breath... Feeling like the floor's unstable... Trapped in your own head while floating somewhere outside, looking back at yourself, wondering what you're doing.
A huge fist grabs ahold of my insides... My heart goes into overdrive... And I go through the motions on autopilot.
It's not being able to sleep because you said something wrong two years ago and can't stop thinking about it.
Feeling like you're about to cry when someone points out that you're doing something wrong.
Anxiety is like a shadow that follows you even when it's dark. It latches itself onto you and doesn't ever let go. It makes you jump to conclusions all the time that something is going to go wrong. It makes you take a small situation, and turn it into something huge. It takes your breath away.
I can't exactly pin point how long I've been dealing with anxiety, but I can tell you this: I am SICK of it. I want it gone. I'm so tired of fighting the same exact battle everyday. I'm sick of waking up everyday and wondering if I can get through the day without having a panic attack.
I hate that I constantly feel like I'm about to fall off of a cliff. I hate that my brain is constantly going and going and going.
I always feel like I bother people. But, in all honesty, I just wanna talk to them so I don't feel alone. If I feel alone, it triggers a panic attack. If I feel too crowded, it triggers a panic attack.
I am trapped.
I am trapped inside of this bubble and it feels like there's no way out.
I am stuck in this pit of constant fear that I'm gonna do something wrong.
I am trapped...
I'm assuming,since you haven't written anything since August, that you are over your anxiety. I hope so. You're too sweet of a woman to be dealing with feelings like that. You're writing is very concise, and to the point. You should write more when you get the time. I hope church is going well, and your relationship also. If you ever need anything, let us know. God bless you girl. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm assuming,since you haven't written anything since August, that you are over your anxiety. I hope so. You're too sweet of a woman to be dealing with feelings like that. You're writing is very concise, and to the point. You should write more when you get the time. I hope church is going well, and your relationship also. If you ever need anything, let us know. God bless you girl. :)
ReplyDeleteHello Jewell. So good to know you through your profile on the blogger and the blog post. I am glad to stop by your blog post and go through it which is very thoughtful. I am a Pastor from Mumbai, INDIA and I love to vet connected with the people of God around the world to be encouraged, strengthen and praying for one another. I am blessed and feel privileged and honored to get connected with you because of who you are in the LORD Jesus Christ. I have been in the Pastoral ministry for last 36 yrs in this great city of Mumbai a city with a great contrast where richest of rich and the poorest of poor live. We reach out to to the poorest of poor with the love of Chris to bring healing to the broken hearted. we also encourage young and the adults from the west to come to Mumbai to work with us during their vacation time. We would love to have you come with your friends to Mumbai to work with during your vacation time. I am sure you will have alife changing experience. My email id is: dhwankhede(at)gmail(dot)com and my name is Diwakar Wankehde. Looking forward to hear from your in near future. God's richest blessings on you, your family and friends.
ReplyDeleteHello Jewell. So good to know you through your profile on the blogger and the blog post. I am glad to stop by your blog post and go through it which is very thoughtful. I am a Pastor from Mumbai, INDIA and I love to vet connected with the people of God around the world to be encouraged, strengthen and praying for one another. I am blessed and feel privileged and honored to get connected with you because of who you are in the LORD Jesus Christ. I have been in the Pastoral ministry for last 36 yrs in this great city of Mumbai a city with a great contrast where richest of rich and the poorest of poor live. We reach out to to the poorest of poor with the love of Chris to bring healing to the broken hearted. we also encourage young and the adults from the west to come to Mumbai to work with us during their vacation time. We would love to have you come with your friends to Mumbai to work with during your vacation time. I am sure you will have alife changing experience. My email id is: dhwankhede(at)gmail(dot)com and my name is Diwakar Wankehde. Looking forward to hear from your in near future. God's richest blessings on you, your family and friends.
ReplyDelete