Flashback

I think of one little memory, and I start to have a flashback of the entire situation. It still makes me cringe, and it still ticks me off. Hard to forgive. Even harder to forget. I remember it more clearly than I've ever remembered anything. It's not all negative. It lead into positive, I believe. My life, and my world got flipped upside down completely. Never told it quite like this before, but this is my story.

It all started to go downhill when they moved in. I don't adjust well to change. Clearly. Her so-called "friends." Things were all hunky-dory and happy at first. But, then, she decided to play me and her against each other. Punches were thrown. Words were said. Unforgettable. Our relationship was gone in a flash like a deer being shot down during hunting season. I thought you were different, but I was obviously wrong.

As things were escalating, I seemed to be growing farther and farther away from God. I just couldn't wrap my mind around why He was letting all of this stuff happen to me. It didn't seem fair. I was innocent, but pegged as guilty. False testimony. I was devastated. It felt as though I was literally stabbed in the back. Like my heart was ripped out and run over by a semi.

Then, I went to Texas for a field trip. One of the best weeks of my life. But, then, I had to come home. Only to find complete and total chaos. The trashed my room. It was a disaster. I didn't know what to do. My life was officially tangled. And, I'm saying, at least a zillion knots. I had given up on happiness. And, worse, on God. I felt as though nothing could be done, and I would never get the help I thought I needed. I just wanted to run away. I wanted to escape more than anything.

Two weeks leading up to Christmas were the worst ever. Being locked up in that hell hole was so very unnecessary. Nasty food. Cold showers. Violence. Frightening. Truth was finally out, and I was set free. My life was still very stirred, though. I was scarred. I was changed, but not for the better. It made me juts completely bitter towards life. I saw no point in it. I was at the deepest point of depression I had ever been at.

It was after Christmas before I ever went back to church. I lost some friends. Some relationships were crushed. Things at school were awkward. I was worried what people would think if they ever found out. But, even then, things were never going to be the same.

Once her and I patched things up the best we could, I thought there was some hope. But, things at church felt too weird. God was having different plans for my life.

My life went on,  and I kept trying to be in control. But, I still couldn't find the happiness I was looking for. Then, he came along. he  decided to be a friend to me. Invited me to come to church with him. Little did I know, that's just what I needed.

My new church. My new friends. My 3 older best friends. It's all I could ever ask for.

As, the flashback slowly fades away, I realize something. And, that something is that God will always be there for me. No matter what.

My life may be a scattered mess. Like, all the time. No joke. So what?! God loves me anyways. And, always remember that if you truly trust God, listen to what He says. Don't doubt Him. That will get you no where. I promise.

And,, when you feel weak, remember Philippians 4:13. Cliche', I know. But, who cares?! It's still so good, and will forever be my favorite. It's the best reminder ever. You're strong enough to make it.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."