Cheers To 23 And The New Me

This month, I turn 23 years old. I’ve been through a lot for my age. A lot more than most people my age may go through. 

It’s for sure been the roughest yet best year of my life. I know that combination doesn’t really make sense to you, but it does to me. 

Around this time last year, things stared going downhill, but I kept it hidden really really well. 

My pregnant self and my husband were in California because that’s where he’s stationed at. So, being away from my family and friends was already pretty awful for me. I was so lonely. I cried almost every single night. 

One day in August, my husband told me that he needed to talk to me. So, we sat down on our futon in our living room. He told me that he wanted to get a divorce. He said he didn’t love me anymore. 

It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever heard in my entire life. I was completely shattered because even though he didn’t love me, my love for him was overflowing. 

I kept that secret hidden from literally every single person in my life. All except for one... my best friend, let’s say her name is Jo. 

Now, Jo was my person. So, I relied on her to be there for me through this rough time in my life... and I mean, she was. 

UNTIL.   

Come November, about two weeks after my daughter was born, Jo came to see all of us in California. I was excited because she was my best friend and I missed her so very much. 

Things were going well, until I figured out that it wasn’t me that she was coming to visit... if my daughter... she was there to visit my husband... the man that I still love to this day... 

Now, I wasn’t aware of this at first. But, slowly, things started to click in my head. 

They kept wanting to leave together to go get food and then they wanted to go to the beach but knew I wouldn’t want to go, so of course I didn’t. 

And, finally when I figured it out, I confronted the both of them... sure enough... 

It was like my whole entire world came crashing down on me. She for sure was not there to visit me. They started “talking” at the end of October, and so this trip was supposed to be when they told me about their “relationship.” 

Well, I completely shut down. I turned off any and all emotions. 

The only person I had right then and there was my daughter. She kept my heart beating. She was the reason I survived all of this. 

So, in December, my daughter and I moved back home to Indiana. 

It was so rough in that airport saying goodbye to the man I love and knowing that he wasn’t hurting nearly as much as I was. 

We are still married, by the way. Apparently divorces take forever to finalize. 

But, anyways. 

Fast forward to now.... my beautiful daughter is almost 9 months old. I’m about to be 23, and I’m finally happy... content... joyful, again. 

I’m back at my home church. I have two jobs. My daughter and I have our very own home. And, life is good. We are BLESSED. 

Everything is finally how it’s supposed to be. Sure, I have days where I miss my husband, but shoot..... that’s okay. 

I am strong. 

I am a SURVIVOR. 

So, here’s to a good year!! Let’s do this, 23!! 

This picture is from December 2017. 

This one is from July 2018. The story is in my eyes. :)