Ever since I received the gift of the Holy Ghost, there has been a major change in my life. I feel different. I think different. I speak different. Im even acting differently. I noticed it right away. It was like something just sparked inside of me. It's such a wonderful feeling, and I'm never going to let go of it. It's way too wonderful to ever run away from. The biggest change I've seen in myself though is the way that I react to things: I mean, I have completely switched mindsets there. I'm talking as opposite as Antarctica is to the Sahara Desert. Completely, 100% DIFFERENT. I absolutely love it.
Not gonna lie, multiple situations the past few weeks have been extremely difficult. In some cases, I have been tempted to cuss, but I just couldn't. The words literally just couldn't come out of my mouth. Another time, I started to watch a movie that isn't exactly the best choice of movies, and pretty much everything kept me from watching it. I finally took it as a sign that it just wasn't meant to be. I've found myself starting to stress out about the little things, and something comes along and reminds me that God is in control.
The other day, I was stressing out quite a bit. Like, it felt like I was the target at an archery competition. Everything was piling on all at once, and every little thing seemed to be driving me just the right amount of crazy. I was probably on the verge of screaming physically because let me tell ya, my brain was full of a straight up scream fest. There came a point where it all just became too much, but something made me just stop what I was doing, take a deep breath, and say to myself, "Just hold on. Things are going to get better. You don't have to try to be perfect. Bad days happen. Trust God. He can take care of you. Breathe. Hang in there. Just hold on." I just sorta smiled to myself, and said a prayer of thanks to my almighty God. The rest of that day wasn't really any better, but hey: I MADE IT!! No amount of stress... No amount of arguing... No amount of frustration, can stand in God's way of making progress in changing me for the better.
Another big thing making a difference in me is my prayer life. I am finally getting better at praying more at home. The days I've gone to the church in the mornings to pray in the prayer room have given me that extra boost, though. It has helped me tremendously. Listening to everyone else pray as well is such an inspiration to me: And, when I hear myself praying with them, I can't help but think how far I have come when it comes to praying. I used to never pray... Ever. When I finally started to pray, I would be too scared to do it when people were around. I used to just do it quietly in my head. Now, when I pray, I don't worry about what people think of me. I don't focus too much on saying the perfect thing. I say what's on my heart. It's almost like the need to talk to God just flows out of me. It consumes me, and it feels so good. I know that God is at work in my life. If He wasn't, I honestly wouldn't be praying like this... Or even at all probably. Thank You, Jesus for this miraculous change in my prayer life.
I think the best compliment I have ever received happened a couple weeks ago. My friend Ethan and I were talking, and out of no where he said, "You know what, Jewell? My sisters and I were talking the other day. We have all noticed such a big change in you. We are all so proud of you." It almost brought tears to my eyes. I thanked him at least a dozen times. When he said that is when it really hit me that I am DIFFERENT. I am changing for the better. I know that my journey is just beginning, but I am ready to face it head on. "With God, all things are possible." He has such awesome plans for my future, and I am finally letting Him use me for His kingdom. I hope this feeling of God's love in my life never goes away. I hope that it shines through me into the lives of others. I hope that I can win some souls for Him. I hope that I can be a light unto the world because He is a "lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path."
Dear God,
I thank You from the bottom of my heart, and I praise You for this amazing change that has taken place in me. I can't get enough of Your love it seems like. I pray that as I live my life, that I would be able to live it for You wholeheartedly. I pray that as I worship, I would be able to do it with reckless abandon. God, I ask that You would continue to be at work in me and keep changing me. Use me for Your kingdom's cause, God. Again, I can't thank You enough. I love You.
In Jesus' name,
Amen.
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