Points Of View

From my point of view,
my side makes sense.
How I lost my trust.
From your point of view,
it's only a pity party.
How it doesn't make sense.
For me,
I don't see it as a problem.
Nothing wrong with venting.
For you,
you see this as a big problem.
Venting is only complaining.
I think,
you're in the wrong.
Your sarcasm makes me angry.
You think,
I'm in the wrong.
I need to stop taking offense to your sarcasm.
I understand,
you're only trying to make a point.
You understand,
that I'm just too upset to appreciate your point.
I shut down,
and I try to sleep it off.
You open up,
and blog your logical thoughts.
I wake up,
and read your blog.
It slaps my face like a brick.
You keep sleeping,
and you know I'll notice it eventually.
You'll eventually see my apologies.
I realize,
that your point of view is the right one.
You told me what I needed to hear.
It's like what you wrote,
was a storybook.
More like an inspirational story.
I learned from it.
It spoke to me.
Kind of like a letter.
Indirectly written, though it was clearly meant for me.
I'm sorry.
And, I thank you.
This pity party is over.

Note To Self

Why am I questioning?
Why do I feel so guilty?
I wasn't trying to hurt anyone.
But, I'm sorry if I did.
I'm not trying to shut people out.
I'm not trying to lose friends over this.
I'm just finally satisfied.
Worshipping where God has called me to worship.
That's all that should matter.
I'm where God wants me to be.
So, I need to just step back, and just breathe.
Stop it, Jewell.
Stop letting people and their opinions make you feel bad.
You're meant to be here.
You have friends here.
They include you.
They care for you.
They talk to you.
Don't let others make you feel guilty.
Stop it, Jewell.
Stop trying to please everyone.
You don't have to feel bad anymore.
You're pleasing and praising God.
That's all that matters.
Don't think you have to make other people happy.
Focus on you for once.
On the fact that you're where you needs to be.
Stop worrying.
Keep your faith.
You love God.
God loves you.
That's all that matters.
Just relax.
It's all in His hands now.

The Image Of Happy

There's an echo within my soul.
It's me, myself screaming.
The sound just bouncing off the walls.
No one seems to hear my screams.
Except for me.
They ring in my head.
There it was!
That glimpse!
I saw happiness.
It's so close.
An arms length away.
I reach, but hold back my all.
I sit back down.
Back into my little corner of hesitation.
But, I can't get rid if the image of that happy.
Can't help but think that I'm supposed to run after it.
So, I ponder some more.
Get distracted by the things of the world.
Then, I see the image of happy again.
Now, I'm stuck.
Stuck with one foot running to God - the happy.
The other foot planted in the world - the distraction.
I realize that I need to race towards the happy.
Towards God.
I start to run.
Running so fast, I feel like I'm flying.
There it is!
I can see it!
Feel it.
Embrace it.
The image of happy.
My wonderful God.
He has saved me from the world.
From the distractions.
I've gone all in.
Finally taken refuge in God - my rock.
Happy feels so good.
Feels so surreal.
But, it's the most fantastic thing I have ever felt.
The realness is indescribable.
I'm finally smiling.
Whoa, I wake up and have a smile on my face.
What was only a dream felt so real.
Perhaps it's in my future.
It's closer than what I think.
I just have to recklessly abandon.
I need to go all in.
So close.
Can't wait.