Hi there. It sure has been a while since I’ve had the motivation, inspiration, and the time to do some writing. Life is chaotic when you have a husband, 2 kids, a dog, and a guinea pig.
But, something has kept me awake tonight and I just knew that I had to finally write out what’s been happening lately. I mean, it’s literally kept me awake it’s 12:55 am and I am WIDE AWAKE.
I don’t even know where to begin. I believe the last thing that I wrote about was my decision to move to Albuquerque, New Mexico with Ty.
Well, I did that. And I married him. Lol. I’ve been living here for about a year and a half or so now, I think. I lost count because of the pandemic. Time just runs together.
Anyways. Ty and I got married in February of 2020 and our son is now 18 months old and our daughter is 3 years old. We have a husky named Aurora and a guinea pig named Hagrid. It’s a great time here.
I am so thankful and blessed to have such a wonderful little family.
But, let me tell ya. Being a stay at home mom is the hardest job that I’ve ever had. For those of you who think it’s easy, well.... go away. Lol.
It’s amazing getting to spend this time with my kids while they’re little. I love them with my whole heart.
But, I am really struggling.
If I was back home in Indiana, I don’t think I would be, though honestly.
The problem I have here is that I am kinda stuck. I don’t have any friends because I can’t exactly meet anyone new in this line of work.
I don’t have any family here either, except for my husband and kids of course.
We don’t even have a babysitter here, y’all.
We are alone.
My husband at least gets to go to work and be around his work friends and other adults. But, not me.
I have fallen into this dark place that I just can’t seem to crawl back out of.
I need a break.
I need to be able to go out with my husband without our babies. We love them, but ya know.... married people still deserve to have date nights every now and then.
But, we don’t have that option so we make it work. When the kids go to bed, we spend time together and it’s always very special. We love each other so deeply and that’s what keeps us going.
I also miss working and being able to make my own money. I’ve never been the type to just be a housework doing only type of gal. I was not made for that kind of job.
Sure, I get the dishes and laundry done. I make sure the kids are clean, fed, and happy.
But.... what about me?
This momma is tired.
This momma is exhausted.
This momma is lonely.
This momma needs a break.
I mean yeah, I go to the grocery store occasionally. And, I get to be by myself in the shower of course.
But, I don’t know why I can’t just be content and feel happy like I should be.
We have a great life here. We truly do. We are blessed that we have a very nice apartment, a beautiful Jeep, and a kitchen full of food to eat.
I am BLESSED and I am GRATEFUL.
But.... I am not okay sometimes.
I feel like I’m just babbling at this point, but I feel better just saying all of this.
Even if no one reads it, it feels good to be writing again.
I am not okay sometimes, and that’s okay.
In 2 short years, Ty will be leaving the military and we can finally move back home.
Until then, I will continue to do my best and try my very hardest at putting on my happy face for my children. I will continue to love them and cherish this time that I’ll have with them before we move back home.
Tonight, I am a little sad just because I’m homesick, but I am also feeling blessed.
Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk. Lol.
