Close To I Do: My Vow To You

Matthew Joseph McComas, 

     I cannot believe that in 33 days, we are going to be husband and wife. Our life together will officially begin. 

     From the very first day that we met, I knew you were someone special. I walked past you and our eyes met immediately. It was like they just clicked, or fit together like the perfect puzzle. I was so nervous and shy around you at first (and extremely awkward). But literally after a few minutes together, all of my nervousness went away. 

     I cannot put into words how much that I love you. I couldn't have chosen anyone more perfect to spend the rest of my life with. I am so beyond happy that my heart chose you. Even if I had the chance to live a thousand lies, I'd choose you.... Every single time. 

     I love your kisses. I love your eyes. I love your smile. I love the fact that you love me with no conditions. You are my best friend and forever the love of my life.   

     Someday, you're going to be an amazing father to our children. You're going to show them the love that they need and will lead and guide them to give their all in everything that they do. As parents, we will give them the lives that we never had and couldn't even dream of. 

     I promise that I am going to love you forever. I promise that I am going to always make you brownies. I promise to always cuddle. I promise to hold you when you're sad. I promise to always show you cute pictures of puppies. I promise to buy you ice cream even when you say you're on a diet and tempt you to eat it anyways. I promise to never leave or hurt you. I promise that I will be the best wife that I can possibly be. 

     Even though we are going to be living the military life, it's going to be amazing. I will be by your side no matter what and through it all. Wherever you go, I will go too. I couldn't imagine my life without you. You are my light in the darkness. You're the best thing in my life. 

                         All my love, 

                               The Future Mrs. McComas  

P.S.  I love you to the heavens and back infinity times.  

Chapter 21: The Beginning Of Forever

I cannot believe it has been a whole year since I have posted anything. My life has literally been so crazy busy.

In 10 days, I turn 21: the official mark of adulthood. Life is going by so quickly.

In the year that I haven't posted or written anything, a lot has happened. My journey of finding me has been like the craziest of roller coasters. I am still not 100 percent sure about what is going to happen with my future, but I know for sure that no matter what I am going to be okay. So, what I'm going to do is tell you about my life in the past year and then tell you about the things to come in the rest of this year.

The last thing I wrote about in August of 2015 was anxiety. I am sad to say, but it has not gotten any better... but it has also not gotten any worse. I live with it on a daily basis, and that is just something that is going to take some time to get rid of. Less things set it off though, so that is a plus. I will rejoice in my small victories. Due to my anxiety though, I had to quit the job that I was working at the time. The week after that, I started my new journey at McDonald's, due to my best friend at the time....

In October on my first day at McDonald's, there was this mighty nice fella who trained me. As we continued to work together, we started to become closer and closer as friends. Then, one day we decided to take our friendship to the next level. We started developing feelings for each other. Each day would talk longer and longer and stay up later and later to talk to each other. I could go on and on and on about him and how perfect he is. Long story short, we are now engaged and getting married in November. He is my rock, and has gotten me through so much. I could not have done it without him. I know that we may think all we ever do is work our lives away, but with my two jobs and his job, it makes every second on the clock worth it: knowing that we have something to work for.

Matthew becoming a part of my life was the best thing that could've ever happened to me. He was a positive relationship in my life, and exactly what I needed. During the time that he became a part of my life, I was working on getting rid of toxic people in my life. It was such a hard thing to do, but with his help, I was successful. With this toxic person out of my life completely, I have been able to mend relationships with the people whom I hurt in order to be friends with the other person. I am beyond thankful and blessed for the people who have given me a second chance.

My relationship with God has also been kind of rocky in the past year, but I have been working on it. I promise I have. A little progress is better than no progress at all, trust me. I don't care how long it takes me, but I will get back to where I belong. His grace and mercy and blessings are very real, and without Him helping me along the way, I would not be where I am today. Even when I doubt Him, He doesn't doubt me. Even when I lose hope, He still believes in me. Even when I struggle to believe, He shows up and His presence is so real.  

I know I have sort of babbled in this post, but it's only because I have so much to say. But, for now I am going to end with this.

I did it.

I have an amazing fiancé. Him and I have a beautiful apartment. We pay all of our bills, buy all of our groceries, are paying for our own wedding, and we still manage to put back a little money for ourselves and date nights. We are truly blessed. We are happy.

To all the people out there who thought we weren't capable of making it....

WE DID IT!