A Prepared Place Called Desperation

“And said, I cried by reason of mine affliction unto the Lord, and he heard me; out of the belly of hell cried I, and thou heardest my voice.” 

Jonah 2:2 KJV

Today, I heard one of the most powerful messages that my pastor has ever preached. It was titled, “A Prepared Place Called Desperation.” 

God will do whatever He feels necessary to get your attention. I’ve learned that a lot in the past year. 

He will do whatever it takes and He will not stop until you find yourself in a place of desperation, crying out to Him. 

What you may think is one of the hardest and darkest things you’ve ever been through, could really be God preparing you a place. 

Once you get to that place, don’t be afraid to cry out to Him 

Push. 

Pray until something happens. 

He brought you to that place so you could seek Him. 

He wants you. 

No matter what you’ve done or where you’ve been... He wants YOU.   

When it’s time for you to stop running, He will pull you to a place of desperation. 

When you get there, take your running shoes off. 

You have to realize that you can’t keep running. 

The more you run, the worse it’s gonna get. 

The conviction will get heavier. 

And, conviction can hurt sometimes. 

I can’t stress it enough. 

Stop running. 

Cry out from the belly of hell; the pit that you’re in. 

Cry out to Him. 

When your life is slipping away, remember God. Remember that you can call out His Name. 

Let Him help you. 

Come home to Him. 

He is waiting with arms wide open. 

Cheers To 23 And The New Me

This month, I turn 23 years old. I’ve been through a lot for my age. A lot more than most people my age may go through. 

It’s for sure been the roughest yet best year of my life. I know that combination doesn’t really make sense to you, but it does to me. 

Around this time last year, things stared going downhill, but I kept it hidden really really well. 

My pregnant self and my husband were in California because that’s where he’s stationed at. So, being away from my family and friends was already pretty awful for me. I was so lonely. I cried almost every single night. 

One day in August, my husband told me that he needed to talk to me. So, we sat down on our futon in our living room. He told me that he wanted to get a divorce. He said he didn’t love me anymore. 

It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever heard in my entire life. I was completely shattered because even though he didn’t love me, my love for him was overflowing. 

I kept that secret hidden from literally every single person in my life. All except for one... my best friend, let’s say her name is Jo. 

Now, Jo was my person. So, I relied on her to be there for me through this rough time in my life... and I mean, she was. 

UNTIL.   

Come November, about two weeks after my daughter was born, Jo came to see all of us in California. I was excited because she was my best friend and I missed her so very much. 

Things were going well, until I figured out that it wasn’t me that she was coming to visit... if my daughter... she was there to visit my husband... the man that I still love to this day... 

Now, I wasn’t aware of this at first. But, slowly, things started to click in my head. 

They kept wanting to leave together to go get food and then they wanted to go to the beach but knew I wouldn’t want to go, so of course I didn’t. 

And, finally when I figured it out, I confronted the both of them... sure enough... 

It was like my whole entire world came crashing down on me. She for sure was not there to visit me. They started “talking” at the end of October, and so this trip was supposed to be when they told me about their “relationship.” 

Well, I completely shut down. I turned off any and all emotions. 

The only person I had right then and there was my daughter. She kept my heart beating. She was the reason I survived all of this. 

So, in December, my daughter and I moved back home to Indiana. 

It was so rough in that airport saying goodbye to the man I love and knowing that he wasn’t hurting nearly as much as I was. 

We are still married, by the way. Apparently divorces take forever to finalize. 

But, anyways. 

Fast forward to now.... my beautiful daughter is almost 9 months old. I’m about to be 23, and I’m finally happy... content... joyful, again. 

I’m back at my home church. I have two jobs. My daughter and I have our very own home. And, life is good. We are BLESSED. 

Everything is finally how it’s supposed to be. Sure, I have days where I miss my husband, but shoot..... that’s okay. 

I am strong. 

I am a SURVIVOR. 

So, here’s to a good year!! Let’s do this, 23!! 

This picture is from December 2017. 

This one is from July 2018. The story is in my eyes. :)