Wake Up Call.

At my church today, my pastor's sermon was titled, "Wake Up!!" And, it truly was a wake up call for me. That I need to wake up spiritually and I need to wake up my heart. My problem now, though, is that fear's got a grip on my heart and it's holding me captive. Fear of.... not being accepted by God. Well, I know that God will accept me. He already has. I just haven't realized that yet. I need to not live in fear. Especially this fear.... It's what's causing me to be dead in my relationship with God.

This brings me to another wake up call: Forgiveness. I need to be forgiving some people and asking some people to forgive me. If I forgive others, God will forgive me. And, I need that. I need his forgiveness and grace. His grace is suffiecient. So, I know that his forgiveness must be too. God has always been faithful to me. I need to commit to him and start forgiving.

Yet, another wake up call that came from today's sermon: Obedience. I need to obey God. Fully. 100% of the time. No exceptions/excuses. God wants us to be obedient to him. What God wants, God's gonna get. That's how I see it. He wants my obedience. I'm gonna try with all my might to obey him, then. I need to not redefine what obedience looks like. It is what it is.

Dear God, Please help me to take these wake up calls that you have convicted me with and apply them to my life. Help me to know the right direction to go. Keep me on the path that you want me to be on. Help me. Help me to grow closer to you and never turn back. Let me give my all to you after learning what I did today. I need you God.

I Need You Jesus.

Dear God, "I need you Jesus, to come to my rescue." I DO need you Jesus. I need you, a lot. I'm not at a good place in my life. And, I'm ready for you to turn that around. Please.... I am DONE letting myself feel this way. Satan needs to back off right about now. This feeling.... This deadness.... Is bringing me down. I can't take it anymore. This habit that the feeling makes me do, is not good. I want more than anything to be done with it. Only You, God, can bring me out of this dark hole that it's brought me into. I have faith in you. I just know that you will bring me out of this. I believe it with all of my heart. It's just gotta happen in your own time though. All in your time, God........ Amen!!

Psalm 22:11 says, "Do not be far from me, for trouble is near and there is no one to help." This seems like something I should be crying out to God. He is there I don't even realize it half of the time. There truly is no one who can help me but God. And, this verse informs me of that. It was a real eye opener. For real, though. I need to not be so far from God because, truth is, it wouldn't be safe. I need to be staying close to him. My life would be even more of a disaster than it already is if I ventured away from God.

I mean, I say all of this and I say it from my heart.... But, I really wanna do more than to just say it. I want to live it. And, it is definitely easier said than done and I wish that that wasn't the case. I wish it was easy. It would be great if it was easy. One thing's for sure though.... I need to get my priorities straight and call on Jesus. That is that. He's here. My heart is his. I just.... can't give myself the extra push that I need. I know he's so close though. I can just feel it.

Surrender

It's always hard for me to surrender my all to God. He wants me to, so why can't I?! I sing songs on Sundays about it, but I never truly do it. Feeling so spiritually dead like I do is making it hard for me to just surrender. I just need to let go and let God. What's my problem?! I need to start trusting God and surrender all, then I most likely wouldn't feel like this anymore.

There is a song called "The Stand" that makes me think about all of that stuff. A part says, "I'll stand, my soul Lord to you surrendered. All I am is yours." That part of the song stands out to me the most. I sing this song all the time. But, do I truly mean it?! Do I sing it from my heart, or do I focus on singing the correct notes?! Well, I really should focus on singing it from my heart and singing it straight to God as my prayer to him. I should mean the words that I'm singing and just surrender my soul to God and only be his. I just wanna surrender.

I say this, but am I gonna go live it? Truth is, I'm gonna try my very best to. I really am going to try. I'm not just saying that either. If I don't try, I'm gonna feel more spiritually dead than I already do.

When I struggle with wanting to surrender, I ask God to come to my rescue. Here's a song that I listen to when I feel like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RXAN3l8jQDg

Dear God, Please, I ask you to come to my rescue. I'm struggling, God. I wanna surrender everything to you. I feel so very dead inside and I just want that feeling to go away, God. Please rescue me from these feelings of darkness and hopelessness. Don't let me or anyone else feel lost anymore. God, I ask that you would come to our rescue.

That Empty Feeling.

Well, yeah. Here lately, I've felt nothing but empty inside. I yearn for God but yet I find myself doing the same old routine and stuff. Me doing what I do, pulls me far from God. It hurts.... I don't really know what to do about it anymore. I try to change. I really do. This empty feeling just keeps holding me back.... I feel mega conviction all the time. What do I do with it?! I push it aside, like a dummy. It scares me. I don't know why. I try. I kind of just want to surrender all to God. Ya know, let go and let God. Easier said than done. I promise. I want to change. I need to change. This empty feeling that's inside of me.... I long to get rid of it. I just always hold myself back. I'm scared of getting hurt. God will never hurt me though. Satan really needs to back off. This is seriously weighing me down. It's messing with my anxiety and among other things it is messing with.

Then a song comes to mind that I need to live by. That I need to push myself to live by. It's called Come As You Are by: Pocketful of Rocks. "He's not mad at you. He's not disappointed. His grace is greater still. Than all of your wrong choices.... You can come as you are. With all your broken pieces. And all your shameful scars. The pain you hold in your heart. Bring it all to Jesus. You can come as you are." It means so much. I need to come to him. I need his rescue and forgiveness.

Dear God, Please help me out. I know that you're still there. Please don't let me forget it. I need you, Jesus, to come to my rescue. I can't go on any longer without you. I know that I already accepted you into my heart last May. I need a little bit of a reminder. I'm falling back. Please catch me under your wing. Don't let me leave. Stay with me, God.

I'm running to your arms........ I'm running to your arms......... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRBQtIEEkrU&feature=endscreen&NR=1